


though the flames may burn us

by mostlikelydefinentlymad



Series: fire meet gasoline [2]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, CHARACTER DEATH IS ONLY CLICKED BECAUSE OF TRF, Developing Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Heavy Angst, Hurt John Watson, Johnlock - Freeform, M/M, Meta Poetry, POV John Watson, Poetry, Sherlock Holmes Returns after Reichenbach, author writes an unhealthy amount of poetry, blink and you miss it - Freeform, i swear to god it has a happy ending, microscopic mention of Mary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-12
Updated: 2016-10-12
Packaged: 2018-08-22 01:12:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8267275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlikelydefinentlymad/pseuds/mostlikelydefinentlymad
Summary: we were burning lungs and stifled laughter on creaking staircaseswhen one night was never enoughwe were unpacking ourselves one scarred suitcase at a timesaying, "can you help me with this lock, it seems to be damaged"we were almost loverslong before the world proved how heavy a heart could be





	

**Author's Note:**

> TW: suicidal thoughts mentioned in V (poem number five)

**I**. we were burning lungs and stifled laughter on creaking staircases when one night was never enough

we were unpacking ourselves one scarred suitcase at a time

saying, "can you help me with this lock, it seems to be damaged"

we were almost lovers

long before the world proved how heavy a heart could be

 

 

 **II**. tangled webs find deception wrapped in semtex

an explosion waiting for the strike of a match

the spider plays his cards, rolls the dice and says, "you've really shown your hand"

so you step back, if you are to die tonight you'll die knowing he was worth every minute of every breath

 

at the last second, the spider cackles and taunts; thick venom coating its laughter

"I won't kill you yet," it hisses

no, you think, not if I get to you first

 

the spider vanishes, leaving its prey to spring from the trap in a rush of nervous energy

and it's never the right time but his hands are everywhere and this is a crueler death, by far

just when you think you can't possibly take any more of the tug and pull of his skin on yours, he steps away

 

the world tilts dizzily as he paces, words come out rushed and there are entire books yet to be read

volumes waiting to be whispered into existence, but the truth remains desperately unspoken

and maybe this is why love feels more like a game with no manual

you are losing, one roll of the dice at a time

"that thing you offered to do for me..."

the spider watches, the unwilling pawns move into position

heart,

meet fire

 

 

 **III**. ceramic teapot in a steady trickle of water, if you push too hard it will crack

if you love him, he will break

you must do it softly, softly

pour into him bit by bit, graze his skin with the lightest fingertips

and it's almost  like dancing; this gradual spin in slow motion

 _1_ \- fall in love with him despite the warnings

 _2_ \- deny until it hurts

 _3_ \- replace him with faceless names you'll never remember

_1-2-3_

_1-2-3_

 

 

 **IV.** he trembles, whiskey sloshing in his hand

says he saw a massive hound with sharp teeth and it rocked him to the core

the fire flickers between wanting and taking, between comforting and holding back

heart shaped wreath and crackling logs, you want to taste the warmth of his lips

if you could, if your hands wouldn't shake

you'd pull him close and whisper, "the only thing I'm scared of is losing you"

but he spits words that quell the embers, "I don't have friends"

it sounds an awful lot like "I don't need you"

and it's a damn shame because he is all you have ever needed in this life

 

 

 **V.** his silhouette against the gray sky is a puzzle piece turned sideways

and you're reaching forth to straighten it when he sobs, "no, stay right where you are"

you are a doctor who has touched more broken bones than suicide victims

but you've looked death square in the eye more times than you can count and you never thought he'd be one of them

everything has gone terribly wrong

his jacket is too dark against the horizon, his voice too cracked

_it's only a magic trick, it's only a magic trick_

open your eyes now, see how clumsily angels with black wings kiss the earth

everything withers into static

in the end, everything fades

 

 

 **VI.** nights play out like children on carousels set to tchaikovsky

symphony number 6 fills the air with grief, the violin cries

and John dreams:

catching Sherlock in his arms set to an endless loop -

fall, _hold_

fall, _cradle him  
_

fall, _kiss away his tears_

_love him, love him, love him_

wake up wishing he'd followed

 

 

 **VII.** _and the dead shall walk the earth_

there's a ghost wearing Sherlock's face and John can't breathe

fall - _hold_

everything fades

_I don't have friends (I don't need you)  
_

breathe

_this is what people do_

inhale, exhale

_it's just a magic trick_

fall - _cradle him  
_

blood spills from Sherlock's nose

and oh god, his pulse; the hateful stillness

_he's my friend, let me through he's my friend_

John's palm grips a chest that's too thin

_the things you wanted to say...say them now_

a fit of clinging angry desperation

_one more thing...don't...be dead_

his body, limp and bloodied on the sidewalk

his body, warm and breathlessly pressed against the restaurant floor

they're all watching John now but he can't drag himself away from the ghost

stay this time

**stay, stay, stay**

_one word, Sherlock. that's all I needed_

he would've bought a calendar and thousands of Sharpies to mark the time

my god,

he would've waited

 

 

 **viii.** lilac and ivory, kiss the bride

try not to say his name instead of hers

pearls and lace, the violin cries

1-2-3

1-2-3

_and I, got a funny feeling when he walked in the room, oh I..._

give her your name

_it should've been him_

neon lights flash as he walks away and takes John's heart with him

_the four of you_

brand new heartbeat born of grief and abandon,

it is mirrors screaming,

_this is not who you are_

china plates on the registry, shared last name at the top

_this is not what you wanted_

wedding bells echo like sirens in the night, warning

_this is how you lose him  
_

pillows collect sweat and harbor resentment like shards of glass

_you pushed him away_

in every dream, he paints the ground scarlet from splinters that cannot be wedged from his skin

and he thinks,

_love must be a sharpened thorn, I'm bleeding out for him_

 heart,

 meet fire

 

[brief interlude here for the poem I forgot that represents Mary shooting Sherlock, apologies]

 

 

 **ix.** fold up the night, tuck away the stars

tell the sun she don't need to shine anymore

'cause my love is far beyond the pines and those fingerprints on the gun are his

 

tell the milky way to keep him safe 'til we meet again

I'm coming home, you'll see

I won't be too long

 

tell the moon to kiss him once for me

twice for tomorrow

 

 

 **x.** the spider purls and tugs, perfects each corner until they're spotless

his fangs uncurl after a long nights rest, slicked midnight hair gleams in the sunshine

the chess board has been prepared, the game is on

-

 

 

**[bonus]**

before we were something, we had to become nothing

in the madness, we must undo ourselves and build from the bottom up

he says, "I always meant to love you in the right way but never have, can we try again"

the things we wanted to say and the poems we never wrote become the gravity that suspends us

arms around necks, hands cupping pale skin

"do it now, my love. show me but do not speak"

we were lovers, long after the world proved how easily a heart can fall together


End file.
